……..and your still reading
I was just sitting here at home thinking about life and how things just turn out. As many of you who read my posts know, I stopped drinking almost 10 years ago and my life has changed so much over that time. Just a few days ago I had the opportunity to watch a wonderful life changing movie called “Flight” starring the great actor Denzel Washington. While watching the movie it occurred to me that someone had made my movie. Yes, this was a movie about me. Well not in the sense of the harrowing events but rather the emotional truths. As the final scene is about to be disclosed, we see a man who by all accounts can do anything he wants, he has the opportunity to be hailed a hero and perhaps live a beautiful future. All he has to do is tell one more lie, just one and no one will know. No one will ever need to know his secret, that little secret that is killing him and the lives around him. Yes, I’ve lived this movie, I have known the pain that rests inside as you wrestle with conscious, values, standards, lies, truths, morality and so much more all intersecting deep in your soul just tearing you apart. Being in that place where you just cannot go on living the same way every day lying to yourself and everyone around you. When all you can do is have a drink to ease this never ending pain and guilt, knowing that you really don’t want that drink but have no other solution. This is the movie I lived, this is the place I was, the same place as Denzel Washington’s character in this movie. Imagine what it’s like to finally be faced with your truth and knowing all those around you have set the stage so you can continue to live in a false world; the make believe world of self told lies? Existence, that’s all it becomes. You just exist, you never get to experience life in real terms. Finally it’s over, your done and you cannot go on because now you have reached the point of non-existence. This is what we who have lived through this call “Our Bottom”.
As I look back and remember where I was almost a decade ago and where I am today, it’s as if I was reborn. Today my life is rich with love and peace. I am married and happy. My career is even back on track and moving at lightning speed. My life is good and I am so grateful to have lived through my bottom. As the movie ends, we find Mr. Washington’s character sitting in prison talking to a room of inmates sharing how now he is finally free. I truly know that freedom and I am truly a blessed man.
Thank you for reading this as I was so compelled to write and share a small part of what it’s like to surrender and live through it.
I’m still writing, you’re still reading, so please keep following……..