It happened today, I fired myself. After all if guys like Donald Trump can do it why not me? I’ve just finished writing a book about my life journey. After reading through all the chapters and all the stories, I have come to the conclusion that this old Craig guy is just not working out. He does not fit in his world of today. The old Craig was always stuck in his past. This is not the guy I need on my team. Today I must have someone who is here now, in the present and ready to take on all challenges. I’ve learned a few things from this old Craig and that was good, but now he is just not keeping up. The old Craig is holding my team down! Now some may be upset about his departure, if so just call me and I will update you on the current facts of his demise and what is in store for the future. At times he will be missed, that’s for certain. However his replacement will have some qualities to replace some of the old Craig’s faults. I know the replacement will be of good character, a productive man, a caring and loving man with a passion for all the good things life has to offer. I know this replacement will be able to be counted on and a man of great integrity. So with all my heartfelt emotions, I have had to let him go. It was tough watching him pack up his baggage and be escorted out the door by my security team, but it had to be! I’ve notified all the positive powers in my life and now those of you I like and love that today August 2nd, 2012 we fired old Craig!
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All the fabulous lights below as the plane was landing in Las Vegas about 7:00 pm on a Friday night. Normal for me as I was living there and traveling for business. It had been a long week and I was tired. So out to dinner, (party of one) then a little Jazz music at one of my favorite haunts, nice! Then it happened, she was sitting at the end of the bar, big smile, great eyes, a flashy Las Vegas beauty! I was so shy and she so wasn’t! I think that’s how it happens? You see, I was just finalizing my divorce. So, I was sure ready..Right! It had to written all over me? “Available!” That night was the beginning of what I warmly call “My Long Bad Date” You see, my personal self esteem, my own insecurities and all those years without faith and standards led me to what were to become the greatest life changing events I would ever experience. I married that Las Vegas beauty after a couple of very turbulent years. Oh we fought about everything, she gambled, spent and drank every dollar we had. Everything that was wrong between us became my fault. All I could see was that one beautiful beginning, and I did everything possible to hold it together. In time I grew to fear her, her outbursts of violence and her incredible cruelty to my family, friends, employers and me. My understanding and compassion for abused partners in relationships became crystal clear. It sneaks up on you and attacks the most vulnerable part of your soul. A dear friend later told me; “Craig” She’s not a bad person, but a sick person. Then one day, I just could not take it anymore and I gathered all the courage in me, my faith in God and left. All I had was a suitcase, an old Buick and a few hundred borrowed dollars. You see, I had stopped drinking a couple of years before that day, developed a faith in God and began setting standards for myself. How often have you heard “No Pain No Gain?”, so true! So, that faith and fear pushed me to go forward, just go! That was several years ago. Today I am very free from that abuse and fear. I live a wonderful life and face everyday with joy of the unknown. All I can say to those who suffer in silence the pain, fear and guilt of abuse is; You can change it! It will be, OK! .….more of my journey ahead..
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So one day I am driving along in my car, listening to the radio, just happy as a bird! Suddenly some fool in front of me slammed on his brakes. So after some very fast reaction on my part I was able to STOP! Everything in the car went flying and I of course yelled some very colorful metaphor that would surely make my mother curl. This happens to all of us from time to time, then you pick things up, slow down and go on. That’s what happened to my life at about 51 yrs old or so. It sounded so easy, people around me, support groups I was part of told me “Craig” you can change everything, every problem right now. Just STOP! No one told me the junk in my life would just keep flying like it did in that car? However, just as in the car, the junk did stop flying and I picked it up, tossed some bad stuff out and started again a little bit slower. This is how life works. If we really, truly want to change, to have a better life, perhaps follow a dream forgotten; Then we must stop, pick things up, slowdown and move forward! It took me so long to get that. If you have some experiences with this in your life, please share!
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Do any of you ever remember or even imagine what it must be like for others to watch you and just go..“Oh s…, he sure is messed up!” Well, that was me! I was the messed up one. It’s funny now as I look back in time. You know, I really did not know what “Self-Centered” meant? Sometime later I will give my definition of this.
Rather than go on about me right now, let me ask you a question? What does it feel like for you when others have opinions and thoughts of you, you know it and yet no one really tells you? Perhaps your life is out of control, but you don’t want to admit it and you are certain you can control it. I only ask, because that was what was happening to me? It has taken several years a lot of learning and pain to be at peace today. In time, perhaps some of what I’ve learned can be used by others you may know or I may meet?
For me at this critical time in my life was hitting bottom. “Bottom?” That’s when your life is falling all around you faster than you can lower your standards”
So, what did I do? Nothing for a while…just kept going on like I always had..Craig First! However, some events were about to happen that would forever affect my life and the lives of many people around me…