…..and you’re still reading
As you have surely discovered I write about my life experiences often and today is no exception. For those of you who don’t know me, I should share a little about my past. I spent a considerable amount of my adult life as a career car salesman. My career and experience is vast and actually very successful. Although I poorly managed my personal life including not managing money, drinking heavy and all in all playing way to much. About 13 years ago all that craziness came to abrupt end. Shortly after a long road of depression and loss of self worth became my story. Always the man who once was? I grew heavy in weight and began to carry personal baggage that weighed even more. My depression led me down a path that seemed impossible to escape. My wife of twenty five years gave up on me, then a second wife came and went. Finally after about three years of being so lost, I finally stopped drinking. The damage I had began creating just a few years earlier still continued to grow. I became more and more distant from my family and friends. But then somehow my life began to change ever so slowly. Life somehow became important again as my depression slowly ended. Then overtime all the damage to my friends and family became more distant. I found work again and then by chance or perhaps divine intervention I found love. Someone who began to lift me up and not give up on me.
If you wonder why I’m writing about these things, it’s to offer hope to anyone that may me be going through depression. As a man who has experienced this sense of emptiness and the loss of self-worth that becomes more powerful than anyone can imagine, I am here to say it gets better.
My story is not so unique as it happens to so many. In my case it was the abrupt loss of a career and not having any foundation to support me that triggered my darkness.
Today my life is so much better and in many ways I have come “Full Circle”. After many failures and so many disappointments and such a deep depression, I have finally become whole again. I had often said, if I could just go back to that career I will be happy and all would be good again. It’s funny, I am now back doing what I know best and actually love doing and yes it makes me happy but what’s really is so different? It’s my faith. I had not built my life on a foundation of standards and I had damaged any I had so when the unthinkable happened to me I was unprepared.
One thing I have also found out about depression and surviving it is this. We cause a lot of damage to ourselves and often even more to those who care about us. They try so hard in so many different ways to help but they just can’t. And most importantly it’s not anyone’s fault, not yours or theirs. Depression happens, it’s real and it’s devastating. However you can come back, you can even come “Full Circle”.
For me it was finding my faith, something I could hold onto in the darkest hours. You can climb out of depression, it takes a lot of work and often a lot of pain. However if you can find a way to get back into the game of life just a little at a time no matter how much time it takes, you will make it. It took me nearly 13 years so I understand how difficult it is, but you can get there!
Life is truly a roller coaster ride and I am so blessed to be on the ride!
I’m still writing, you’re still reading, so please keep following…….